Fearless

I’ve been riding for what seems to be forever. From that first ride on Cookie to becoming the champion at a jumping show to now. I’ve been up and down in my riding “career”. I wasn’t scared of anything, I would gallop towards a wall jump, yes a wall. I guess to have to be pretty fearless to gallop a horse towards a stable object. I would give every horse a chance, no matter how crazy or calm they might be. I loved to jump and the rush you got from it. I was always told I had a special talent and a natural way with horses. I wanted to take this sport as far as I could. I was fearless, I always wanted the biggest horse with the tallest jumps. I wanted to go fast, all the time. I traveled all over Florida, slowly climbing my way up in junior jumping shows, always hearing what a great rider I was. So what happened? Why is everything I just said in past tense? In 2005 I had a bad fall, I went one way and my horse Dandy went the other. All of my weight landed on a bent wrist. Once I got to the emergency room I looked at my wrist, my hand was at a 45 degree angle from my wrist. I had shattered the growth plate and everything in between. I needed two surgeries and a number of casts. As soon as I got my first hard cast on I start riding and jumping Dandy again. It wasn’t until I got all of my casts off and only had a splint on that the butterflies started to come. I pretty much lost all confidence in myself and in my riding once I had nothing protecting my wrist. Riding soon became a chore for me, it was no longer fun. I was scared of horses and any sudden movement they made. I was no longer fearless, I was fearful. When I was on a horse I let my nerves take over the ride. Once I was back on the ground I was mad at myself for letting it happen, but it seemed like the more I tried to control my nerves the more fear I gained. I quit jumping and I no longer went faster than a trot. I stopped hearing what a great rider I was. Now I heard what a waste of talent that I had. I needed to stop being scared because I  wasn’t about to give this sport up…easier said than done. I was mad at other people for saying I should just give up because I’m not going anywhere and I was mad at myself for allowing my talent to fade away. I told myself I was never going to give riding up, but I didn’t enjoy it. I started slowly gaining some confidence back when we bought my first horse. Prancer was a 6 year old fresh off the track thoroughbred. He wasn’t fast enough to continue his racing career so his owner started starving him because he was worthless in their eyes. Since he was pretty much skin and bones he had lack of energy. Once we started him on a regular diet, the racehorse came out. He no longer acted like 20 year old trail horse. I had a young and hyper thoroughbred on my hands. He constantly tested me and my confidence. Slowly I felt myself break out of my shell. The first time I rode without any butterflies was when I went riding around the entire ranch with my best friend and her horse, that gave me freedom from my nerves even if it was just for a little while. I stopped worrying so much about “what if I fall” or “what if he spooks”. I’ll always be grateful for Prancer and him giving some of my confidence back. I still had days when my nerves got the best of me but I knew I was slowly forgetting my fear of horses. In 2009 my grandparents bought a ranch, a new location meant Prancer was back to acting like a 2 year old. Soon after this we bought Ace, a 17 year old Quarter Horse. Ace was probably the slowest, strongest, and most stubborn horse I’ve ever ridden, and I’ve ridden a lot of horses. I could do anything on him…well except jump, he walked through any jump. I started cantering and trail riding…a lot. I still hadn’t jumped but being back to galloping was enough for me now. I continued working with Prancer but Ace was always there for me when I needed a confidence boost. Soon after this we bought a 12 year old Arabian. He had a history of dressage and jumping, so he was the ideal horse for everyone who wanted me to jump. I didn’t know if I wanted to jump but Moonshine was going to push me whether I wanted it or not. I jumped him once but I really had no interest anymore. Instead my focus went towards barrel racing. Moonshine was naturally fast, but I loved making him go even faster. On the morning of April 8, 2010 I got a call that Ace colicing really bad. I can’t explain the feeling that I got when I heard that. I guess it was a mixture between fear, sadness and hope that I heard wrong. We everything but in the end we had to put him down. I’ve never had to put a horse down before. I felt sad, regretful, mad, and loving that day. I was determined to make Ace proud when it came to my riding. He had pushed me until the day I became a fearless rider, he gave me a gift that no person could ever have given me. I always told myself that if I could do this on Ace, I can do this on any horse.. Moonshine and I are still both learning when it comes to jumping but he has a confident teacher now. I’ve realized that any person that gets on a horse has to be pretty fearless. Your sitting on top of a 1200lbs animal that has a mind of its own, and controlling him. I guess I actually have to thank Dandy because even though I had to go through all of that, I learned to enjoy riding. I wasn’t always getting ready for a show and beating myself up for not getting 1st place. I’ve giving up showing but I replaced that with training horses, I don’t think anyone thought I would train horses when I first broke my wrist. I’ve been through a lot when it comes to riding horses and I hope to continue this sport, just with a different idea to what I’m doing.